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I’m just gonna say it: I didn’t like you at first.
You’re sharp. Technical.
You’re not even natural. Reinforced.
My fingers would ache and my forearms,
I thought they were going to burst,
Like a bottle of lotion after it’s been in an airplane.
I’m not sure why I kept going back for you.
Up and down, my elation and disgust would yo-yo
I’d scream and chew,
I’d swear that I’d never make it through.
And maybe I still won’t.
But I lied when I said that thing before, about not liking you.
When we first met, I felt like Humpty Dumpty: cracked wide open.
I noticed your curves first. What got me was your multiplicity.
I continue to rope in.
Others do, too. I don’t mind. I can share.
You challenge me to love without attachment, to embrace the affair.
And it was all so exciting in the beginning, full, bright
Like a shiny new beach ball.
For you, I fall. Over and over again.
And then the doubt sets in.
I thought I wasn’t good enough. I thought I should walk away.
Somehow you kept pulling me back.
It’s been three years since.
I’ve dreamt about you. I’ve trained for you.
I dedicated myself to you.
Finally I know our time has come to a close.
No longer in your throes, I built myself back up.
Eventually I stopped falling.
The chains were clipped,
But my heart, it remains wanting.
The hardest lesson in life: learning that progress is never linear.
I was injured.
I’ve returned to you because I didn’t know where else to go.
I know you, I knew you’d be kind.
Don’t let me go.